


The DIY Family Job

by copperbadge



Category: Leverage
Genre: Adoption, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Fic, Multi, let's go steal a family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 11:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8749018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperbadge/pseuds/copperbadge
Summary: Eliot technically stole a baby, which is actually the least of Leverage's problems.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WyckedStarr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WyckedStarr/gifts).



> Warnings: Mentions of infant neglect/abuse. 
> 
> Written for a prompt: Alec/Parker/Eliot or team fic, somehow someone accidentally ends up having to look after a baby [...] I just want to see Elliot with a baby to be honest.

"Eliot," Nate said, and Eliot crossed his arms, rocking lightly on his feet. It was a sign he was nervous, but also a sign that he knew he wasn't in real trouble, because he only let his tells show around people he trusted. He lifted his chin, too, and Nate internally sighed. The chin lift was never good. 

"Where did the baby come from?" Sophie asked, probably more gently than Nate would have.

"Does it matter?" Eliot asked belligerently.

"Does it... _of course it matters_ ," Hardison said, both hands on his forehead. To his credit, rather than yelling, he whisper-yelled it. The baby, swaddled in fleece and dozing in a carrier in the middle of the table, slept on.

"Why did you help him hide a baby?" Hardison added to Parker, who shrugged.

"It was fun," she offered.

"Does she have a family?" Sophie asked, clearly trying to get back to the point, which was the baby that they had found in Eliot's apartment when they'd had to retreat there after a con gone partially wrong (Nate was fixing it, but it would take a day or two and Eliot's had been closest). Eliot had not participated in the con, claiming he was sick, and Parker had backed him up, and looking back both of those things were suspicious. But Eliot had also been incredibly cranky lately, so it had mostly just seemed like a relief not to have him complaining in their earbuds for the whole mission. "Does she have parents?" 

"Not alive ones," Eliot said.

"Did you murder her parents?" Nate asked, carefully non-judgemental.

"I'd shake the hand of the man who did," Eliot replied. "When I got to her she was half the weight she oughta be and covered in bruises."

"She seems okay now," Nate observed.

"Well yeah, 'cause I got her to a doctor and then recovered her before she could be dumped in a foster home," Eliot said. 

"You get her vaccinated?" Hardison asked. "Because I ain't got time for this anti-vax crap -- "

Eliot silently took a piece of paper from a stack on the table and slammed it down in front of him.

"...okay, she's vaccinated," Hardison said.

"She's got nobody," Eliot announced. "I checked. So now she's got me. I ain't apologizing."

"Nobody really wants to know if you're sorry," Nate said warily. "I mean, I can give you a long, long lecture about hiding things like babies from the team, or stealing babies from hospitals, and I know a lot about hiring babysitters actually -- what?" he asked Sophie, who was glaring at him.

"Eliot, you can't just take a child out of the system and keep her," Sophie said.

"Why not?" Eliot asked. The baby began to snuffle awake, and looked like she was about to start on a really intense wailing session, but he swooped down, scooped her up, and held her to his chest, while Parker went to get a bottle.

Sophie tilted her head. "Well, she's going to need a new identity -- "

"Like that's a problem?" Eliot asked, gesturing at Hardison.

"She'll have to go to school -- " Nate began.

"Yeah, I know a guy, she's signed up for early enrichment daycare that tracks into a private preschool with ties to an elite day school," Eliot replied. He bent his head over the baby, one scarred and callused finger stroking her cheek. Nate blinked. 

"I got a copy of Baby Mozart on my MP3 player," Hardison offered. Eliot sat down next to him, and Hardison absently took her little hand in his as Parker brought Eliot the bottle.

"How are you going to care for her?" Sophie asked.

"Nate literally just said he knows babysitters," Parker reminded her.

"Yes, but this is a dangerous job," Sophie persisted. "It's no place for a child."

"It's no place for any of us, honestly," Eliot said. "I mean, this is the _worst_ for Parker's mental health -- sorry, sweetheart," he told her.

"No, it's probably true," Parker said.

"Hardison's undersocialized -- "

"I like the social I got, we've been over this -- "

"Plus you don't see your Nana as often as she wants, don't think she ain't called me," Eliot said, and Hardison clammed up. "Nate, you're the most self-destructive person I know, and Sophie -- well, okay, Sophie's all right," Eliot admitted. Sophie preened. "And I have like...so many rage issues."

"So we have to take her back," Nate encouraged.

"Oh hell no," Hardison said. Nate blinked at him. The baby had her entire hand wrapped around his finger. "I've done the foster-care thing, and I got lucky."

"Me too," Parker said. "I _didn't_ get lucky." 

"Baby girl here got us instead of luck," Hardison finished.

"She's not a gift basket, you can't return her as part of a retail fraud scam," Parker added loyally.

Nate looked at Sophie. She was watching Eliot with the shrewd look that said her gears were moving fast.

"I ain't giving her away to a stranger," Eliot said. Nate gave Sophie the expression he reserved for when he was proud of the three of them for forming a united front but very frustrated that their united front was giving him endless headaches. She patted his arm in a _let me handle the children_ gesture. 

"What about giving her away to a friend?" Sophie asked.

***

Nana got off the plane lugging three more carry-ons than was usually allowed, and shrieked when she saw Hardison, hurrying down the gangway to throw her arms around him, her carry-ons all rolling wildly away. She was about half Hardison's height and people smiled at the reunion as they passed. 

"You must be Eliot," she said, as she stepped back and everyone ignored Hardison wiping his eyes. "Where's my grandbaby? Cough her up!"

Eliot slung the corner of his jacket open, revealing a soft, colorful sling with the baby inside it. Nana's mouth opened wide in a squeak of delight.

"I been calling her Honey," Eliot said shyly, as Nana hunched over to kiss her head, then stood on her toes to give him an around-the-baby hug.

Parker was marshalling the carry-ons onto a cart, and when Nana turned to her she skittered around to put the bags between herself and possible contact.

"It's all right, girl, I'm not gonna touch you, Alec let me know," Nana said, amused, and Parker's shoulders dropped a little. "I found a place with nice big ducts so you can come over any time you like. You two," she added, turning to Nate and Sophie, who were exchanging amused looks. "You get on now, I got to talk to the parents. Go on, I'll babysit," she added, making a shooing motion at them. "Go have a nice dinner, see a picture."

Nate blinked. Sophie took him by the arm, mouthed _thank you_ , and led him away.

Nana took the sling from Eliot and cooed over the baby all the way to the car, while Parker and Eliot got the carry-ons packed. By the time Eliot got behind the wheel, Nana and Hardison were in the back, on either side of the car seat.

"I thought she was bringing a moving van," Parker hissed to Eliot.

"It's coming next week," Nana said, and Parker startled. "I got good ears, cutie pie," she said, when Parker glanced at her in the rearview mirror. Eliot carefully pulled into traffic, navigating towards the airport exit. Nana settled in and took out a ziplock bag full of cookies, offering them to Hardison before passing them up to the front.

"Double-chocolate," she announced. Parker nibbled, then unloaded half the bag into her lap before offering one to Eliot. "Now. If I'm gonna raise this baby while you all out fixing the world, we gotta find a better name than Honey," Nana said. "What you think about Alexandra? Alexandra Spencer," she cooed to the baby. 

Eliot caught Hardison's eye in the rearview mirror. His expression said he wasn't sure what he'd gotten himself into, but on the other hand, there were cookies. 

"Best just agree with her now," Hardison said. 

"That's my boy," Nana said sweetly, petting the baby's hair down. "We gonna have a really good time, you and me baby," she added to Alexandra, who gurgled cheerily.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] The DIY Family Job](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8884903) by [knight_tracer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/knight_tracer/pseuds/knight_tracer)




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